Saturday, May 9, 2020

Electomania 2020: 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!' presents The Rock vs President Trump

In 2017, Jimmy Kimmel booked a future dream card dubbed 'ElectoMania 2020', between The Rock and President Trump. Find the transcript of the segment below:

ElectoMania 2020: The Rock vs Donald Trump
presented by 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!'
JIMMY KIMMEL: I think an actual rock might beat Donald Trump at this point
VOICEOVER: The stage is set. White House title holder Donald Trump...
DONALD TRUMP: I'm here to challenge you
VO: Defends his belt against The Rock...
DWAYNE JOHNSON: You coming down here, you're running down our country we love. Its a country we're proud of
TRUMP: I think I'm stronger than you
------- crowd boos -------
JOHNSON: We don't boo you because you support Russia
------- crowd cheers -------
VO: Get ready to Dwayne the Swamp at ElectoMania 2020
JOHNSON: You're running around here looking like a big, fat bowl of Fruity Pebbles
VO: Its and all out Smackdown of democracy
TRUMP: You're right, he is scared. You're right.
JOHNSON: You're looking at what would happen if a homeless lumberjack banged an Oompa Loompa
VO: ElectoMania 2020. Only on C-Span 2.

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Full transcript of 'Wrestlers vs. Politicians' featuring Ronny Chieng of The Daily Show

Ronny Chieng continued The Daily Show's tradition of linking US politics with pro-wrestling. During his tenure, wrestling mark Jon Stewart was one of the first mainstream outlets to endorse the #PoliticsisWrestling meme. In 2010 for a segment titled 'Crumbums & Fatcats', Daily Show correspondent Wyatt Cenac and Mick Foley cut a promo which led to Stewart to surmise "So what you're saying is the whole f*cking thing [American Politics] is fake like professional wrestling".

With WWE Hall-of-Famer Donald Trump as President, Ronny Chieng filmed a 2018 segment in Appalachia to ask wrestler 'Progressive Liberal' for his state of the union.

VIDEO: Wrestlers Vs. Politicians | The Daily Show With Trevor Noah

RONNY CHIENG voiceover: Democrats may know how to rally their base but when they reach out to Middle America they say things like
ELIZABETH WARREN excerpt: Working families to get a share of the prosperity they're creating, we need a serious enforcement of competition laws
*deflating music*
CHIENG vo: You're boring!!!
NANCY PELOSI excerpt: Single payer! Single payer! Single payer
*deflating music*
CHIENG vo: It's like you don't even care about what you're saying
CORY BOOKER: Can you hear me now?
CHUCK SCHUMER: It's not working
Cut to the exciting part
CHIENG vo: No it's not. And it's no surprise. In the last election, people in swing states went for a guy who said things like...
DONALD TRUMP excerpt: Who's going to pay for the wall?! I'd like to punch him in the face I tell ya!
CHIENG vo: Trump honed his trademark oratorical style where else? In professional wrestling and if Democrats were gonna fight back, they needed someone who could go head to head with a WWE Hall-of-Famer like Trump. And in the heart of coal country we found him
DAN RICHARDS excerpt: Shut your ignorant mouths cuz the Progressive Liberal has something to say
CHIENG vo: Finally a Democrat who doesn't make me want to change the channel. Dan Richards has been making headlines wrestling as the Progressive Liberal and riling up small-town audiences all over Trump Country...
'Progressive Liberal' Dan Richards making headlines
RONNY CHIENG: How hard is it to pretend to have these liberal values?
DAN RICHARDS: Oh I'm not pretending
RICHARDS excerpt: You're on the wrong side of history so shut up!
CHIENG vo: But even if the crowd hates him, the Progressive Liberal could teach swing state Democrats some classic wrestling techniques for getting voter's attention
DAN RICHARDS: You wanna stick to broad brush stroke talking points
CHIENG: Right. So Middle America would rather learn about politics through a mostly naked man than by reading a book?
RICHARDS: Yeah
Pro Wrestler sits down with Daily Show correspondent Ronny Chieng
RONNY CHIENG vo: But Dan assured me that besides wearing shirts, politicians and wrestlers had one key difference
DAN RICHARDS: People in politics will say anything to get elected whereas a good wrestler is only gonna say things that they truly believe in
CHIENG: So what you're saying is that the level of political discourse in wrestling is actually higher than in politics?
RICHARDS: Oh yeah
Blue team vs Red Team
RONNY CHIENG vo: But with Congress immobilised by partisan politics what advice did the Progressive Liberal have for Democrats
CHIENG: Let's say you're Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell puts you in a headlock, what do you do?
DAN RICHARDS: Ummm I'd reverse it into a top wristlock and I would stomp on his elbow breaking his wrists
CHIENG: *nods* And the issue would be resolved?
RICHARDS: Without a doubt
'Commander-in-briefs' Ronny goes in the ring with Dan Richards
RONNY CHIENG vo: The Progressive Liberal had some great ideas for updating Democrats' messaging but could he take on the Heavyweight Champion in the White House.
RING ANNOUNCER: Introducing the 'Commander-in-briefs'!
CHIENG: Is it just me or is it getting cold in here? Because there's a snowflake in the ring!
RICHARDS: I am not a snowflake!!!
CHIENG: Snowflake! Snowflake!
RICHARDS: Quit pandering
CHIENG: I'm one of them
Dan Richards shows how to get a pop as a progressive liberal
CHIENG vo: My pandering was working. Time to take this to the next level
CHIENG: You know what this man wants? Let me guess what you want to do with the guns in this country. Just let me guess.
*crowd boos*
CHIENG: You wanna take them away
RICHARDS: I don't wanna take away guns. I'm just for really strict background checks
CHIENG vo: OK, that wasn't too hard to understand and the audience was into it
CHIENG: Fine! Whatever about guns. Let me guess what you want to do about marijuana
RICHARDS: I think what people wanna do behind closed doors should be their business
*man in crowd cheers*
The future of American Politics
CHIENG: Like Hell you do
RICHARDS: That is my position as the Progressive Liberal
*crowd cheers*
*triumphant music plays*

CHIENG vo: Looks like broad brush talking points work. Especially that marijuana one Democrats. So maybe let wrestlers craft slogans for your next campaign. Like "Lock Guns Up", "Make America Greatest" or "420 4 2020".
Let's face it, what really turns on swing state crowds isn't words. It's action
CHIENG: I don't care about your positions cuz you suck
*Ronny runs the ropes and takes a bump*
CHIENG vo: Middle America wants a strong hero who won't back down from a fight. So Democrats if you want to beat a wrestler president. Keep it simple and go on the offensive
*Ronny getting stomped on the turnbuckle*
CHIENG: Fake News! Fake News!
CHIENG vo: Welcome to the future of American politics
I contend it's been the prevailing state of American Politics for a while now, this blog was founded in 2007.